this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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