well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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