all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
