i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it because I queefed?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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