No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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