On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
