So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
