He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize