well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
