oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
