Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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