Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
