Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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