had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
meet me or not, i'm out of control
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
