I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
