he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
