You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
