I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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