you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
