update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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