I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
