I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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