what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
