I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have tasted many bathrooms
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
