Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
