ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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