I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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