I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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