Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
