Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
