he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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