shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
