So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
