im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
