Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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