you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize