He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
