I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
