mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
