Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
