I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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