you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
