What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
