She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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