I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have post one night stand depression
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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