I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
