i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
