Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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