she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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