Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
