hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
