I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
