you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
