I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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