Soap is not a condiment
I wish life had little blips of pornography
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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