Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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