On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
