It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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