my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
