my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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