The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize