If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
