I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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