Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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