this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You don't make any sense
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