why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
