Fuck appropriateness.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
