My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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