I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize