He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize