Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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