I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
