so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
