I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
