And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
