But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
